I believe that every event happens to us will there be a lesson or purpose behind it. How in earth, that is only 40 minutes I talk with this person in his car can affect so much to my 2 days life until now. God, I want to erase that memories if I can. It hurt. Actually, I can just push a button in my handphone to call him. But, I am afraid. I am afraid, he found someone else I am afraid, if I know him more, I will be dissatisfied. or vice versa. Why love is so complicated. I cant think straight. I cant work. And I decide to text him this morning and it has been already 4 hours and he has not text me back. How stressful it is? I feel people in love who possessively waiting text rely from her crush. That is so painful. They did not choose to feel it, it is their hormones who makes that. Missing him so much. But I can not do nothing about it.
I just arrived from short visit of my neighbor house which is my childhood friend and we kind of grew together. She shaped me. And now, she has been a mother of one year old girl. She is my friend but I feel awkward. I kind of forget how it feels like to having friend. What I am familiar now if friend from work you know like coworker. I know but friend from work is not real friend, you will find a backstabbing etc. But, it feels good to meet my old friend. Or, maybe is it because I am the only child living in my house now? Is this how it feels like no sibling? I have, but they are far away. That adulting is. You will very rare to meet your siblings and friends. Only work, work, work and problems every single day. Or office politics which I am sick of. Or maybe I just too isolate myself all this time. Is this time to go outside again? Mingling? Dating? No. I fully aware that I am in any relationship for almost 6 years? Is it trauma, still? They said "m...
I don't want to hate. It is just people makes me do it. What they do makes me hate them. I don't intend to do it. Why can't I have a clean heart just a moment. I just want to that peace heart where I don't hate everybody in my life in a moment.
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